I Wish These 5 Dominion Cards Existed

Image: Rio Grande Games

A spirit suffering from board video games should have used its Diet Pepsi breath to take over my need, as a result of, for the previous two weeks, I have been consumed by the necessity to play the tabletop model of Dominion, the feudal-style deck-builder. I love developing with bite-sized methods for its 30-minute rounds, and I’m enthused concerning the 2017 Nocturne growth I lately picked up, however I’ve additionally come to appreciate that I have no less than 5 recommendations for playing cards I want existed. Here—let me share them with you.

(*5*)

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With my recommendations, I’m hoping to handle an issue I have with Dominion, the agreed-upon origin of the deck-building style, by which gamers amass forex to build up land.

Accumulating land shouldn’t be the issue. Being ready to take action in a secure board sport atmosphere helps me empathize with folks like Thomas Jefferson and Sam Altman with out my eyes turning to mud and my face turning to mud and my arms turning to mud and my legs turning to mud. The downside is that Dominion got here out in 2008. That’s the identical 12 months Madagascar 2 launched and Bernie Madoff obtained arrested—a decidedly untrendy 12 months.

The spirit of board video games and I have been battling over this, since I like to think about myself as a reasonably stylish particular person, on account of being born after 1994 and inundated with Amazon ads for the whole thing of my life. So, these are the Dominion playing cards I want existed to make it somewhat extra cool, somewhat extra fashionable:

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ACTION card
+2 Cards. Look on the high 5 playing cards of your deck. Add two, substitute their artwork with an A.I. picture of Bella Hadid consuming a salad with eight fingers and add to your hand; place the remainder again in any order.

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ATTACK card
Gain a Gold. Each different participant offers you their pockets; publish all of them to Instagram Stories in your 893 followers to vote on which is cutest. You might take the contents of the cutest pockets now, or put aside in your subsequent flip.

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REACTION card
When one other participant performs an Attack card, you could first reveal this out of your hand to be informed you’re “toxic” and “an energy vampire.”