HOST ROY WOOD JR.
Taking his flip on the podium proper after Biden, Wood Jr. grabbed some papers and knowledgeable POTUS that he had left behind some “classified documents.”
Regarding Fox News’ $787 lawsuit settlement, Wood Jr, stated there are three individuals you by no means need to face in courtroom: “Dominion, Cardi B., or Gwyneth Paltrow. You’re gonna lose!”
“Half this room thinks I’m Kenan Thompson, the other half thinks I’m Louis Armstrong. President Biden thinks I’m the dad on Family Matters.”
Wood Jr. introduced that the WHCA’s high scholarship winner this 12 months was the truth is “Arizona State senior George Santos,” however he couldn’t attend as a result of he was “auditioning for RuPaul’s Drag Race.”
Talking about how Byron Allen and Tyler Perry are battling to grab up the house to Sistas & Co., Wood Jr. remarked, “That’s how bad it is out there. These companies are so broke they’re giving BET back to Black people!”
To the producers and workers of Tucker Carlson Tonight, the Daily Show correspondent empathized, “I, too, know whats it’s like to be blindsided by the departure of the host of a fake news program.”
Regarding cable information’ different current ouster, “Yes, Don Lemon was a diva and he said a couple of women are ragged in the face — but that’s a promotion at Fox News.”
Likening Trump’s dissatisfying indictment to a pot brownie that doesn’t appear to kick in: “Do I feel justice…? This don’t feel like justice.”
Amid a riff on Ron DeSantis, “Ask any Republican to explain CRT. They sound like a Democrat trying to explain the charges against Trump.”
Regarding the Justice Clarence Thomas/billionaire Harlan Crow luxurious items scandal, “Do you understand how rich you have to be to buy a Supreme Court Justice? A Black one on top of that? There’s only two in stock!”
Talking about how French individuals lately rioted over a plan to lift the retirement age two years to 64, “Meanwhile in America, we have an 80-year-old man begging us for four more years of work! Begging.”
Again concerning Biden’s age, “There’s been no scandal more damaging than the scandal of, ‘Is Joe Biden awake?’ Say what you want about our president, when he wakes up from that nap, work gets done. He might doze off but then it’s, ‘Zzzzz, infrastructure bill!’ ‘Zzzzz, student loan forgiveness!’”
Turning his consideration to Kamala Harris, Wood Jr. stated that individuals by no means requested what a VP did or didn’t do till the primary girl one got here alongside. For instance, “The only thing I know about Mike Pence is that he’s really good at playing hide-and-seek at the Capitol.”
Then, after saying that Dick Cheney is the (very low) bar for VPs to clear, Wood Jr. famous how Cheney was so unhealthy there’s a documentary about his time in workplace: “If they can make a documentary about your time as vice president, you vice president’d incorrectly.”
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