LAUDERDALE-BY-THE-SEA, Fla. — The Buffalo Bills have a brand new security this season.
He typically performs near the line of scrimmage, even lining up in the gaps and banging helmets with inside linemen. They use him as a hybrid linebacker in a three-safety dime package deal. He has performed free security, robust security, outdoors cornerback, inside cornerback, left linebacker and proper linebacker. And extra.
Physically and mentally, he’s being challenged, however he’s grateful, content material and all in.
The Bills’ new security is Jordan Poyer. It’s the similar Jordan Poyer who performed for the workforce the earlier six seasons, the solely player in the NFL to have 500 or extra tackles, 20 or extra interceptions and 10 or extra sacks in that time-frame, a Bills captain for the fourth time, an Ed Block Courage Award winner in 2017, a Pro Bowl security final yr and an All-Pro the yr earlier than.
But this can be a new Jordan Poyer as a result of of ayahuasca.
In the spring of 2020, NFL workforce amenities had been closed as a result of of COVID-19, so Bills defenders met in Washington, D.C., for a couple of days to coach, research and bond.
The first night, cornerback Josh Norman welcomed the gamers to his dwelling, and out got here the photographs of tequila. When Poyer was handed a shot, he checked out it and then at his teammates.
He put it down.
Norman and the others, who had by no means seen him flip down a drink, had been stunned.
“What?” one stated. “Come on, Deejay Poyo!”
Deejay Poyo was Poyer’s alter ego. Inspired by tequila and a turntable, Poyer grew to become another person. And for Poyer, there was worth in being another person.
What his teammates didn’t know was that Poyer had not put alcohol to his lips in about three months, since he downed a shot of tequila on March 13 in the Puerto Vallarta airport bar throughout a 12-hour flight delay.
Poyer spent his childhood in Astoria, Ore., a picturesque city on the mouth of the Columbia River not removed from the Pacific Ocean. His mom and stepfather labored at a juvenile detention middle and raised him with a strict hand. When he was now not underneath their watch, unsupervised as a freshman at Oregon State, Poyer drank. And drank and drank.
It by no means appeared to have an effect on his play in school, the place he was a consensus All-American. And regardless of his continued consuming, he made regular progress in his early NFL years.
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In his third season, when he was an rising starter with the Cleveland Browns, he DM’d an Instagram mannequin after she appreciated one of his posts on Twitter. She was a freshman at Florida Atlantic, a small-town lady from the Adirondacks who knew nothing about soccer however thought Poyer was cute. He traveled to Florida to fulfill her, and earlier than the weekend was over, Poyer declared, “I’m going to marry this girl.”
Poyer made quite a few journeys to Florida that offseason. That spring as Rachel Bush was ending her freshman yr of school, she realized she was pregnant. After their daughter, Aliyah, was born, Poyer signed with the Bills, and the household moved to Buffalo. He and Rachel married in 2018.
His consuming was out of management by then. He would down a six-pack of IPAs in 20 to half-hour for a fast buzz. Blacking out was an everyday prevalence. His habits examined his marriage, however there was a draw between him and Rachel like a north pole to south.
After the Bills misplaced to the Houston Texans in the wild-card spherical of the 2019 playoffs, Poyer was crestfallen. He says he drank closely on daily basis for 5 weeks. At one level Rachel rid their dwelling of all alcohol, however he would nonetheless sneak what he might.
Rachel says her husband hid alcohol from her beneath lavatory cupboards and different locations “like a child.”
He was near shedding her.
The consuming, he realized, was an try to alleviate stress — stress from soccer expectations and stress from household life. He was a worrier, besides with a drink in his hand.
Poyer went to an Alcoholics Anonymous assembly. Then one other, and one other.
The get-together at Norman’s home was his first vital temptation.
“When I put that drink down for the first time, it was almost like I overcame a demon,” Poyer says.
The extra time that handed, the much less Poyer wished to drink. He has no want for it now, and the scent of alcohol virtually makes him gag.
Despite a stellar profession and a loving household, Bills security Jordan Poyer “felt like there was something missing” as just lately as final yr. (Dan Pompei / The Athletic)
Being sober didn’t make him proof against anxiousness and melancholy, nonetheless. In the 2022 season, he missed 5 video games with elbow, foot, knee and rib accidents. When the Bills misplaced to the Bengals in the divisional playoff spherical, Poyer felt chargeable for not doing extra.
And his angst ran deeper than soccer.
“I still felt like there was something missing because I have this beautiful house, a beautiful family, everything anyone could ask for,” he says. “I still felt a sense of unhappiness, a sense of not understanding who I was, and why I was the way I was. A part of me felt guilty just because I was living this way.”
Poyer couldn’t come to phrases with why, regardless of all his shortcomings, he was in such an enviable place. His soccer journey was unbelievable. No main school wished him till Oregon State got here in with a late supply to grayshirt, that means his scholarship wouldn’t start till January of his freshman yr. He was chosen in the seventh spherical of the 2013 NFL draft, got here into the league as a cornerback, was reduce six video games into his rookie season and then needed to be taught a brand new place with a brand new workforce. He took a blind-side hit that put him in the hospital for 2 days with a lacerated kidney and a concussion. His profession might have been over then.
Yet by now he has outlasted 191 of the 217 gamers drafted forward of him. And he hasn’t simply survived in the NFL — he has thrived.
What had he achieved to deserve this?
Was he justifying his luck?
Would there be a larger objective?
In 2018, Poyer noticed a therapist for anxiousness as soon as per week. It was unfulfilling.
The solutions had been some place else.
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In the Quechua language, ayahuasca (pronounced ‘eye-ah-WAH-ska’) means “vine of the soul.”
Ayahuasca is a psychedelic drug comprised of the leaves of the Psychotria viridis shrub and the stalks of the Banisteriopsis caapi vine. It has been used for greater than a thousand years by Amazonian tribes. Ingesting it might probably induce a dreamlike feeling, an altered state of consciousness, mystical experiences and euphoria.
In the summer season of 2022, Aaron Rodgers revealed he had taken ayahuasca and credited it with serving to him have two of the greatest seasons of his profession for the Packers.
Poyer had by no means heard of ayahuasca at the time. “My first thought was eff that,” Poyer says. “You crazy? I’m not doing that.”
The humorous phrase saved exhibiting up in several conversations on his social media feeds and podcasts. Poyer researched it and grew to become intrigued.
After the tough 2022 season, Rachel recommended Poyer take a “guys trip” after the season to take a look at. But “guys trips” often contain alcohol, and he didn’t need that. Sightseeing isn’t his factor. “What I really wanted to do was work on trying to be a better me,” he says.
He found Resonance, a retreat middle in Costa Rica on a hilltop overlooking the Pacific coast and the cloud forest of Monteverde.
To put together his thoughts to enter a state of consciousness, he was to eat solely rooster, fish and salad for one month, with no oils and sugar added. Then he needed to reduce out rooster and fish for the week previous the ceremony. He additionally was informed to apply yoga and respiration workout routines that might be helpful if he skilled anxiousness throughout the three ceremonies unfold over per week.
In a tiki hut in a wooded, secluded space, a shaman introduced every participant with a cup of ayahuasca brew, which is form of like tea, however with advantages. Taste isn’t one of them. Poyer says ayahuasca tastes like earth.
“It’s brownish and really thick,” he says. “It almost looks like oil, but it’s darker and thicker. It’s one of the worst things you could ever taste.”
For the first hour after swigging it down, he lay in a bean bag chair in silence, setting intentions. Poyer’s intentions had been to know himself higher and love higher. Eventually, the shaman supplied a second cup, and then, enchantment.
“At first what it felt like was my soul left my body for a good two minutes,” Poyer says.
Initially, it was unsettling.
“People try to control it, but you can’t,” Poyer says. “It took me about five or 10 minutes to figure it out. The ego has to die so the medicine can work. In order to let go and let the medicine do what it’s supposed to do, we have to just breathe.”
For about the subsequent hour, Poyer says the highest model of himself lectured him out loud. It was, in his phrase, “crazy.” First, highest-version Poyer addressed his want to know himself higher.
“He was basically saying, ‘Jordan, look at your life, bro — what are you mad at?’ ” Poyer says. “It was what I needed to hear because I wasn’t appreciating anything — not my wife, my daughter, my family, my house. It was all about me and what I wanted.”
Then he turned to loving higher. It was, he says, as if a Pandora’s field opened on methods to love.
The the rest of the ceremonies, which lasted 9 hours every, had been about curiosity, power and connectedness.
“It’s about how to be a good human,” he says. “And it grounds you. Really grounds you.”
Jordan Poyer is the Bills’ second-leading tackler however hasn’t made as many large performs as he would love for a protection tormented by accidents. (Sarah Stier / Getty Images)
Two days earlier than OTAs started final April, Poyer returned to the Bills’ headquarters and stepped on the scale. The needle settled at 179 kilos, about 20 kilos under his taking part in weight.
After resuming his common routine, the weight got here again rapidly.
He mentioned his expertise with curious teammates, coaches and the workforce psychologist. Poyer hoped ayahuasca would elevate his soccer performances as Rodgers believes it did his, however it hasn’t labored that approach for him.
He is the second-leading tackler on his workforce however hasn’t made as many large performs as he would love. What he has achieved, in accordance with former Bills defensive coordinator Les Frazier, now an analyst for NFL Network, is allow his protection to be the greatest it might probably by lifting others by way of versatility, sacrifice, toughness and communication. Poyer wears his “C” nicely.
“I feel like I’m playing OK this year,” Poyer stated throughout the Bills’ bye week on the patio of his Florida dwelling. “I’m not playing the best that I’ve played in my career. There are probably two plays I really want back. But I’m doing a lot. And in a very deep sense, I absolutely love that I’m entrusted with doing as much as I’m doing on this defense.”
Ayahuasca gifted him in one other approach — with perspective.
Ego is a robust pressure in skilled athletes. It helps them ascend and usually hastens their downfalls. In earlier seasons, Poyer believes his responses to successes and failures had been too ego-driven. Football was him — he has an NFL brand tattooed on his left shoulder — and he was soccer.
Not anymore.
“We still have games left that I’m excited about, but I knew some way, somehow, this universe was going to test me this year,” he says. “We lost DaQuan Jones, Matt Milano and Tre’Davious White for the season. It’s hard. This s— is hard. And it’s not just (the losses). I’m 32, not this young spring chicken anymore. You know, s— hurts all the time. But my perspective is I get to play a game that I love, and I’m healthy enough to play. Every time you come out of a game, that’s a win in its own way.”
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Poyer’s dedication is such that final season, when a rib damage precluded him from airplane journey, he took a 32-hour round-trip drive to play in a sport in Kansas City. He needs to elevate a Lombardi Trophy badly, as a lot as ever. But if it doesn’t occur, he believes he can deal with the disappointment higher.
On Fridays this season, Poyer, fellow security Taylor Rapp and assistant energy coach Will Greenberg play crystal bowls at Bills headquarters. “The different tones that you can tune into can enhance chakras within you and help you heal,” he says.
Healing takes many types.
When Poyer was 12, Louis Dunbar, who has achieved a number of stints in jail for violent crimes, referred to as him for the first time and surprised him with the revelation he was his organic father. In subsequent conversations, Dunbar usually stated he wished to see him or come to 1 of his video games. He by no means has.
“I always had this hate and resentment toward him I was holding,” says Poyer, who doesn’t know the place Dunbar is. “This experience enabled me to let that go. I realize I wouldn’t have anything — my daughter and my wife — if not for him. Even if it was just the seed he gave my mom. So someday I’ll meet him, give him a hug and tell him I’m sorry.”
Rachel has no real interest in taking ayahuasca. But she is grateful her husband found it.
“After he did ayahuasca, he became like my dream husband,” Rachel says. “I was nervous about what it would do to him, but he came back a totally new man, so appreciative of me and our family.”
Bills security Jordan Poyer together with his spouse, Rachel, and their daughter, Aliyah. (Courtesy of Rachel Bush Poyer)
Highest-version Poyer made Poyer conscious he was not doing the little issues — waking up with a smile, giving Rachel a hug on his approach out, or being current even when his consideration may very well be divided.
Poyer has turned off his DMs on Instagram and deleted his Twitter/X account. Instagram encompasses a For You web page — a customized feed primarily based on person engagement patterns. In the previous, Poyer’s was crammed with posts of different ladies, in accordance with Rachel. Now there’s nothing on Poyer’s For You web page besides soccer and ayahuasca. She is aware of as a result of they’ve each other’s passwords.
“His attention now is 100 percent on me, his family and his career,” says Rachel, who has greater than 4 million Instagram followers, an OnlyFans web page and a line of skincare merchandise.
Some gamers really feel extra stress when the finish is nearer than the starting. The Bills have an out in Poyer’s contract after this season. He isn’t stressing about any of it. His focus is right here and now.
Poyer has thought of changing into a soccer commentator after retirement. But he has extra to supply than sports activities discuss. He might discuss why he’s by no means had a vaccine, why Aliyah is homeschooled, or how he believes God transcends religions.
He might talk about why he has all the time thought he may be an alien. “I truly feel like I’m not from this planet, always being the odd one out, having different perspectives, thinking differently,” says Poyer, who’s fascinated by stars.
Poyer has what philosophers name epistemic humility — he believes information is restricted and filtered by private experiences. And now he’s starting to unravel the mysteries of his existence.
“My life has been changed forever,” he says. “And my purpose is to be a bright light for everybody that I touch and connect with.”
In March, Poyer will return to Resonance for one more retreat. Also planning to go are his cousin who went with him final yr, and some first-timers — his mom, brother, a pair of mates and probably a pair of teammates. He might be engaged on a documentary about ayahuasca.
A handpan is a metal musical instrument that generates sound by way of vibrations. Sound healers and meditators usually play the handpan. In Costa Rica, Poyer heard one for the first time and was drawn to it. Now he performs his often.
Not way back, Rachel returned dwelling at about 10 p.m. and was tidying up the kitchen when, in the peace of the evening, she heard one thing coming from the outdoors balcony upstairs — ethereal, haunting sounds.
“It was kind of like something you would hear in a dream,” Rachel says.
It was music the outdated Jordan Poyer by no means might have made.
(Photo: Cooper Neill / Getty Images)
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