[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
Cheryl Burke is getting candid about all of the trauma she’s confronted through the years.
The Dancing with the Stars professional appeared on the newest episode of Red Table Talk on Wednesday, the place she opened up about how years of sexual abuse, bodily abuse, and poisonous relationships she skilled finally led to her habit to alcohol. Joining Jada Pinkett Smith and Adrienne Banfield-Norris, in addition to trauma psychologist Dr. Alfiee Breland-Noble, Cheryl first shared that she has been sober for 4 years now — however has had a tricky time with it since her divorce from Matthew Lawrence earlier this yr:
“It’s not easy right now, especially during this divorce. [It’s] waving at me. I didn’t want this. My parents got divorced and I would’ve loved to not have. That wasn’t the plan going in. I’m not proud of it, for sure. But then there’s also a point where I need to put myself first and my sobriety first.”
100% she wanted to place herself first.
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She continued:
“And I’m choosing to not date. Date myself, right? Easier said than done because, you know, there’s a difference of being alone versus lonely. And I am just trying to adjust and take the time because I owe it to myself. But one day at a time, one minute at a time.”
The 38-year-old tv character went on to speak concerning the trauma and sample of abuse she handled through the years, recalling how it began when her dad and mom bought divorced when she was solely 2. She stated:
“My first memory as a kid was seeing my father with another woman.”
That’s tough — however sadly it will get worse.
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Her mother started courting a person who later grew to become her stepfather. When they bought married, her stepdad wanted somebody to look at her at instances and employed a “retired mailman in his late 60s” to babysit her. Cheryl says he began to molest her when she was solely 5 years previous:
“It was more of a grooming experience. Because it wasn’t intercourse. It was other — you know, stuff that happened, sexual acts — but I never physically felt hurt. Like, there was moments — and I’m gonna say it now, it didn’t feel bad. It was actually intimate. He was grooming me, and he was my definition of love. This is what love equaled, right? Seeing my father’s infidelity, being abused by this old retired mailman, and I didn’t really know what a ‘healthy’ relationship is or was. There wasn’t a stable father figure in my life. It’s like brainwashing at those moments in your childhood when it really matters.”
That’s what makes grooming so insidious. Heartbreaking…
The tv host stated the abuse continued for “many years and no one said anything” earlier than her older sister’s buddy “did the right thing, ran home to her parents, and told them, and then they contacted my family.” Cheryl ended up testifying in opposition to the person when she was 9 — and he was sentenced to 24 years in jail. Eventually, Cheryl grew to become concerned with ballroom dancing — one thing she stated “saved my life”:
“Ballroom was something that was fun, but you had to grow up fast. Here I am wearing tiny little skimpy dance costumes, eyelashes, fake tan and I’m 11. It was amazing. I mean, thank god for dancing, it saved my life.”
While Cheryl is grateful for dancing, she didn’t understand till later in life that it wasn’t at all times a secure surroundings:
“But within this industry of the competitive ballroom world, it is so much a man’s world. The man leads the woman follows — off the dance floor and on the dance floor. And with that comes abusive partners and abusive coaches. Were there acts of sexual abuse and mental abuse? 100%. And am I just coming to realize that? Yeah, for sure, as I continue to do the work.”
Then Burke appeared again on her highschool expertise and alleged she had two boyfriends “that were physically and emotionally abusive to a whole other level.” She defined:
“For me, love equaled abuse. Love equaled infidelity. Love equaled manipulating, narcissistic behaviors.”
That’s when she recounted the incident when she was horrifically whipped with a belt in entrance of her ex-boyfriend’s dad and mom, who sat there and did nothing. Despite the horrible second, Cheryl remembered being in denial about what occurred on the time:
“It wasn’t like he was hitting me. He was whipping me. But I would see these welts and even that, I was like, ‘Oh, that’s not really there.’ I think I was in shock, and fight, flight or freeze. Got in my car, he jumped in his car, kept banging up the back of my car so that I’d pull over, and I wasn’t allowed to have friends, let alone dance. I wasn’t allowed to stay at after school programs or even, God forbid, look at somebody.”
She added:
“Because of this person who was very controlling. It didn’t stop my relationship with him because I loved the, ‘Oh, everything’s gonna be OK.’ I was addicted to that. This is what I’m trying to reprogram in my brain, is that constant adrenaline rush that I’m so addicted to. It’s not sustainable.”
This is what finally led her to drink in an effort to “numb” the whole lot occurring in her life:
“I was just in survival mode. I used alcohol to numb. And I’m an addict and I was a functioning addict. It was when I wasn’t drinking people were like, ‘What’s wrong with you?’”
Cheryl then stated she found out she was “only attracted to chauvinistic men” and “mommy daddy figures” – to the purpose the place she was “disgusted” by her first dance associate as a result of he was too “sweet.” Later on, she touched on her divorce from Matthew and revealed that she solely bought married to him in 2019 to see if she was “good enough”:
“I mean, we dated when I first got into this business in 2006, and then took a break for a decade, dated again. An ex for a reason, right, but also, I think, for me — and it has nothing to do with my ex whatsoever — I wanted to see if I could get married, ’cause there was a lot of this internal ‘Am I good enough?’ Then there’s also a point where I need to put myself first … I owe it to myself. The trauma bond, though, is real.”
We have a ton of appreciation for Cheryl being so open and sincere along with her story. You can watch your entire Red Table Talk episode (under):
If you or a cherished one is experiencing home violence, assist might be discovered by calling 800-799-7233 or texting START to 88788. Additional assets might be discovered at https://www.thehotline.org/.
[Image via Red Table Talk/YouTube, Matthew Lawrence/Instagram]
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