Constance Wu did not plan to get fairly so candid in her new book.
The actress alleges sexual harassment by a Fresh Off the Boat producer and writes about being sexually assaulted in her twenties, however making that public wasn’t a part of her plan when she began her essay assortment, Making a Scene.
“Everybody thinks it’s a book about Fresh Off the Boat, or my tweets about Fresh Off the Boat. But that was the last essay I wrote, and it was one I really did not want to write,” Wu instructed The Hollywood Reporter. “My editor stored pushing it and eventually I used to be like, ‘Fine, I’ll write it as an exercise but I’m not publishing it. I thought I’d closed that chapter of my life.”
Of the harassment — she alleges that an unidentified Asian American male producer frequently harassed and intimated her, including asking for “sexy selfies,” exhibiting controlling behavior and inappropriately touching her – the Crazy Rich Asians star compartmentalized it.
“I was resistant … because I know there are people who have had way worse stories than what I had to go through,” she said. “Objectively, I don’t quote ‘think it’s that bad,’ but [the experience was] something that I swallowed for a long time in an attempt to preserve something for somebody else. And by doing that, I think I am a contributor to perpetuating a system that is one that I no longer care to uphold. Even though at the time of the show I was like, ‘I dealt with it, it was hard, but I moved on and I prevailed, I don’t need to talk about it anymore,’ I realized I also had a lot of fear of the criticism and judgment I might get from people saying that what I experienced wasn’t so unhealthy. Me speaking about it’s extra vital than my concern of speaking about it. The entire level is that folks shouldn’t have had to undergo it in any respect.”
Writing about it additionally helped the Hustlers actress launch a few of the “shame” she carried as a result of she made herself imagine she contributed in a way “because I was trying so hard to be part of the Boys’ Club. I realized I didn’t give myself enough space to feel the wound… It makes me forgive myself for all the times where I wasn’t my best [on the set]… Writing it on paper helped me realize all of that.”
At the finish of the day, “I pretty much share everything. I didn’t think I was going to.” That consists of the Fresh Off the Boat essay in addition to her “rape essay.” Wu was in her twenties when she was dated raped. She stated no, repeatedly, to a person she was on a second date with, however she gave up. He was twice her dimension and she or he was scared he would turn out to be violent. She instructed THR that the most shameful a part of the expertise was “where I talk about having an orgasm while being raped. I didn’t want to include that… I’m ashamed of it and worried it will open up the possibilities for criticism and questioning. It’s the same process that led me to tweet about my suicide attempt, I didn’t want to talk about it but decided it might help someone and that means more than my being afraid.”
Wu additionally touched on these subjects — and delved deeper into her 2019 suicide try – on Tuesday’s Good Morning America. It all began with a pair tweets. Wu thought Fresh Off the Boat was over after Season 5, explaining the community gave her “their blessing” to pursue different initiatives. So when ABC introduced the present was renewed for a sixth season, she lashed out on Twitter. (“So upset right now that I’m literally crying. Ugh. F***,” she wrote, followed by “F***ing hell.”) She rapidly apologized, saying she had been “dramatic.”
“I’d gotten these other job [offers] that I was really excited about and I was ready for a clean slate,” Wu stated on GMA. “I was ready to stop working at a place that held so many memories of sexual harassment and shame and fear. So when I found out that I couldn’t move on, I felt — honestly, in that moment, I felt betrayed and I felt lied to.”
She continued, “I felt a little reckless and I felt like I had been quiet for so long that I needed to finally make a sound. I didn’t care how it sounded. And it came out sounding pretty bad. My tweets were really graceless. And they were like me being drunk and dramatic at a bar.”
The “backlash was immediate,” she stated. “There was a huge pile on. I was essentially ‘canceled’ for coming off as ungrateful.” She was referred to as a diva and egocentric for not pondering of the different individuals who labored on the present in addition to the significance of the present’s illustration. Cutting deep was the indisputable fact that it was “really the Asian American community that … ostracized or avoided me the most.”
At her lowest whereas navigating the turmoil, she obtained direct messages from a former school, an Asian actress whom she did not establish, who she stated shamed her by calling her a “disgrace” and “blight on [the] Asian American community.” The particular person stated she may by no means undo “the damage I’d done to the community.”
Wu was so rattled she began “thinking that I needed to end my own life,” she recalled. “It’s crazy that a few DMs could do that.”
She stated her tried suicide, which she first publicly revealed in July, “wasn’t a thoughtful thing. I got the DMs and I thought, ‘OK, I can’t be alive anymore.’ … I pulled myself over the balcony of my apartment building and I was going to jump. Talking about it now makes my palms itch, because I remember holding onto it. But ultimately, it ended up being something helpful because it made me get help. I was in therapy and under observation for a long time.”
Wu stated she was recognized with medical despair “long before” her suicide try, however the scare led her to search skilled assist instantly. In her book, she reveals she was dedicated to a psychological hospital. “I was in therapy every day for a while, and then I was in therapy three times a week. I’m still in therapy,” she instructed GMA.
As for whether or not she’s spoken to to the unidentified actress whom she claims despatched her the triggering DMs, Wu stated hasn’t, however she forgives her.
“Listen, if I’m asking people to think of the context in which I made my mistake of those reckless tweets, I think that I can look at somebody who did something that was hurtful to me and try to imagine maybe she was going through something, too,” Wu stated.
Wu additionally holds no grudges over the motion to “cancel” her as a result of it is helped her evolve.
“In many ways, it helped me learn a lot about myself. And sure, there are people who aren’t gonna forgive me. That’s about their own journey. I do feel like I’ve had the opportunity to change,” she stated. “In the end. I’m, in … a strange way kind of glad for it.”
Wu will proceed speaking about these subjects and extra on Wednesday’s Red Table Talk. A preview of her chat at Jada Pinkett Smith’s desk reveals her getting emotional about these DMs and her suicide try.
“I felt like nothing I could ever do would be enough,” she stated of her mindset. “I felt like the only thing that would prove to her that I felt as bad as she thought I deserved to feel would be if I died. I felt like even that might not be enough because I felt the world was saying: You will never suffer as much as you deserve to suffer. You deserve to pay for this and be punished for this.”
If you or somebody you understand are experiencing suicidal ideas, name 911, or name the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or textual content HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741.
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