David Lee Roth thinks he is aware of why Sammy Hagar retains speaking about him.
In a video posted to YouTube titled “The Ballad of Popsicle Sam,” Van Halen’s unique frontman concluded that the Red Rocker will need to have been “sex probed” by aliens.
“According to Sam, he was abducted by aliens,” Roth defined, referring to Hagar’s perception that he had an alien encounter as an adolescent.
“I know that when you’re abducted by aliens you get sex probed,” Roth insisted. “I am compelled to solicit this sordid subject in an effort to explain Sam Hagar’s conduct. For the last 10 summers I haven’t said a single syllable about him. Not one. I defy you. And in the face of a constant fart gas aimed in our direction here at the Mojo Dojo Diamond Dave Laboratories. And I think we’ve arrived at both the technical and the medical answer that may explain some of Sammy Hagar’s conduct and his constant spew of diarrhea vitriol in our direction. Sammy Hagar was abducted by aliens and he was sex probed.”
READ MORE: The Best Song From Every Van Halen Album
Roth went on to ponder how an alien may look at a human, finally admitting he had “no idea” of the means or equipment that might be used.
“But what I do know with absolute accuracy is that if you take a half of a popsicle and you jam it into a cassette tape player, no matter how carefully you extract it, that tape player will never play the same again,” Roth concluded. “No matter how carefully you try and fix those delicate little parts. And it’ll get worse and it’ll seem like the singer that you used to [be] will stop making sense whatsoever. A lot like Sam.”
There’s ‘No F—ing Way’ Hagar and Roth Will Tour Together
Roth’s wild alien idea is simply the newest chapter within the ongoing disagreement between the previous Van Halen singers. In November, following the announcement of his Van Halen-focused tour, Hagar haphazardly invited Roth to affix. “If David Lee Roth wants to come out and join us, come on, motherfucker. You are welcome,” the Red Rocker declared. Days later, Roth issued a response: “I’m ready to go. Let’s do this.”
READ MORE: The Best Song From Every Sammy Hagar Album
Despite what appeared like a doable settlement, Hagar quickly clarified that his invitation was for Roth to “sing a song on a show or two… if he can remember the words.” He added there was “no fucking way” he’d conform to a full tour with Roth.
Van Halen Lineup Changes
Three totally different singers and two totally different bassists joined the Van Halen brothers over time.
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