The unique Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory ends with one in all my favourite scenes in any film. Pure-hearted Charlie Bucket proves himself worthy and Willy Wonka bequeaths him his superb chocolate manufacturing unit. After they launch themselves into the sky within the Great Glass Elevator, Gene Wilder‘s Willy pulls Peter Ostrum’s Charlie in shut for one remaining lesson.
“Charlie, don’t forget what happened to the man who got everything he always wanted,” Willy says.
“What happened?” Charlie asks.
“He lived happily ever after,” Willy replies.
Well, I am about to get every little thing anybody may need … from the Wonka tie-in menu at IHOP.
(Somehow, I don’t suppose that is fairly what Willy had in thoughts.)
For these coming in late, here’s a refresher about why I do that. I as soon as joked to my outdated boss after I goofed up the press cross software for Comic-Con that if I didn’t get to cowl San Diego that yr I would eat all the Josh Trank Fantastic Four menu at Denny’s as my punishment. To perceive simply how a lot of a punishment this was: The menu contained a “Thing burger” drizzled with a beneficiant portion of “Thing sauce.”
I acquired into Comic-Con, but it surely didn’t matter — I had already implanted this deranged concept in my boss’ thoughts. And then when I did eat all the Fantastic Four, it acquired extra consideration that just about all of our Comic-Con protection that yr.
With that, it was established: Any time a fast-casual eating institution makes some kind of menu tied to a giant blockbuster film, I need to eat it. All of it. For science.
My earlier cinematic culinary escapades may be learn right here, archived below the precisely titled tag web page “Matt Singer Is Stupid.” (The boss is lengthy gone, by the way in which, presumably as a result of he was involved he could also be held legally accountable if I die of 4 spontaneous cardiac arrests whereas consuming a plate of purple pancakes.)
This time, the positioning of my meal is IHOP. And the topic of their pure culinary creativeness is Wonka, the brand new prequel to the basic kids’s story that includes Timothée Chalamet as a younger Willy Wonka earlier than he constructed his magnificent and lethal chocolate manufacturing unit. The mad women and men of the International House of Pancakes have devised at least seven (!) gadgets linked to Wonka, together with chocolate pancake tacos, lemonade with icing on it and, sure, purple (iced!) pancakes.
READ MORE: I Ate Everything on The Addams Family’s IHOP Menu
Willy Wonka believed that somewhat nonsense from time to time is relished by the wisest males. So in the event you’re studying this, you may confidently name your self very smart, as a result of some Grade A nonsense is about to go down.
Since that outdated boss left for much less stomach-churning pastures, I’ve usually executed this alone. (And in the event you ever wish to know what it feels prefer to be checked out such as you’re a loopy particular person, simply go to an IHOP by your self and inform the waiter “I will take one of every item on The Grinch menu. Yes, even the ‘roast beast’ omelette.”) This time, nevertheless, I can have firm: The nice Griffin Newman, co-host of the Blank Check podcast, has determined (in opposition to the recommendation of his physician, I assume) to hitch me. Griffin shares my fascination with film merchandise and cross-promotional gadgets; let’s hope he additionally shares my masochistic tendencies and iron abdomen.
Here’s how this works. As you learn this, Griffin and I are presently getting settled in at one in all Brooklyn’s most interesting IHOPs. As we eat, I’ll be updating this live-blog accordingly. I’ll even be posting photos and videos to social media the place relevant.
What occurs subsequent? Honestly, there isn’t any earthly method of realizing which route the meals goes … in or out. So keep tuned.
COURSE #1
Come with me… and also you’ll be… in a world pure indigestion.
We’re beginning at the moment with a “Daydream Berry Biscuit.” The IHOP menu describes this as
Warm and flaky buttermilk biscuit break up and full of creamy cheesecake mousse a combined berry topping, topped with purple cream cheese icing and powdered sugar.
Here is what it seems to be like on the official IHOP web site…
And right here is the way it appeared on my plate…
Now Wonka does contain some working gags involving daydreams, however I’m unsure what about this constitutes a “daydream.” Do diabetics ever enter a daydream state in the event that they eat an excessive amount of sugar? If sure, this can be a daydream biscuit as a result of it is among the sweetest issues I have ever eaten in my life — whipped cream and creamy cheesecake mousse and combined berry topping on this large biscuit (which, for the file, was heat however not particularly flaky). And we didn’t even get the promised purple icing. I didn’t miss it. (And I suppose we’ll be getting all of that we are able to deal with very shortly.)
Look, in order for you 1000 energy in a single dish, there are theoretically worst methods to eat that? This daydream isn’t essentially a nightmare, besides possibly for a nutitionist. As Griffin stated as we had been sitting right here “As the one sweet thing at the end of a meal, I would enjoy that thoroughly. To eat it as the first dish, made it feel more ominous.” That about sums it up!
COURSE #2
So bear in mind two paragraphs in the past when I stated the Daydream Berry Biscuit was possibly the sweetest factor I’d ever eaten in my life? That file didn’t final lengthy!
It is time for the primary attraction of the Wonka IHOP menu: “Wonka’s Perfectly Purple Pancakes.” The menu calls it…
Four purple buttermilk pancakes layered with creamy cheesecake mousse & topped with purple cream cheese icing, whipped topping and gold glitter sugar.
And right here is the official magnificence shot:
And right here’s what it appeared like after they served it to us…
I imply… it is purple. It’s so purple it might not shock me if I all of a sudden began turning purple, like Violet Beauregarde.
It can also be past candy; Willy Wonka himself would have a look at this and say “Maybe we should ease off a little bit?” But maybe that really makes it a nicely themed merchandise? I should admit: So typically I eat these types of movie-related meals and I surprise “What does this Gomez Green Chile Omelette have to do with The Addams Family?” And the reply invariably, is “Absolutely nothing.” But on this case, I see the connection. Willy Wonka loves purple, he loves sweets, and he loves bizarre surprising sweet innovations. This ticks each field. So … good job, IHOP?
Griffin had this to say about this merchandise, which he agrees is well the sweetest meals ever created (narrowly beating out the earlier course): “The amount of creams and icing are so significant that you can barely feel the texture of the pancake in your mouth.” It’s true. You may serve this purple stuff on a grilled cheese and it might nonetheless be an impossibly saccharine meal. (Then once more, possibly I shouldn’t give IHOP any concepts. They may simply attempt it.)
Okay, so twice to this point on this meal I have declared one thing the sweetest factor I have ever eaten in my whole life. Will it occur once more? Let’s discover out…
COURSE #3
You know that scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory the place Charlie and Grandpa Joe drink fizzy lifting drinks and so they begin floating into the air after which they virtually get lower to ribbons, after which they’re saved by burping lots?
That’s me proper now. Only I haven’t had any fizzy lifting drinks and haven’t floated into the air. Basically, I’m simply burping lots.
Next up on the Wonka menu is “Willy’s Jr. French Toast Dippers.” IHOP menu communicate calls it…
Sliced French toast with a facet of strawberries, banana and chocolate dipping sauce.
Here’s what it’s speculated to appear to be:
And right here’s what we had been served.
In phrases of the perfect versus the execution: This is unquestionably the closest. It seems to be comparatively near the wonder shot. And it’s additionally the closest factor to regular human meals we’ve eaten so far. This is mainly simply French Toast sliced up into strips with chocolate dipping sauce. My spouse does this at dwelling for my children, solely with syrup to dip as an alternative of chocolate. It’s fairly good diner French toast. So it’s in all probability the very best merchandise and the worst Wonka merchandise if that is smart. I suspect the following choice will actually up the Wonka-factor considerably.
COURSE #4
Before we transfer on to the following merchandise, listed here are just a few of my favourite tweet responses to what’s been occurring right here at the moment…
You guys are humorous. Or possibly you’re not. I’ve had so many energy this morning that every little thing appears hilarious to me proper now. Either method, we transfer on proper now to the “Scrumdiddlyumptious Jr. Strawberry Hot Chocolate.”
Hot chocolate flavored with strawberry syrup, topped with whipped topping, a drizzle of chocolate sauce and gold glitter sugar.
When you order off the menu, that is what you suppose you’re going to get:
And here’s what we acquired:
Well, it’s shut. The gold glitter sugar may use somewhat extra pizzazz, but it surely’s not too far off. The visible enchantment is much less of an issue right here than the flavour. I’ve by no means been punched within the face by a strawberry earlier than, however that’s how I would describe the expertise of this scorching chocolate. (Excuse me “hot chocolate flavored” drink, which actually makes you be ok with the high-quality substances you’re placing into your physique.) It is so strawberry ahead.
Griffin stated the one solution to get by this one was to “cut the strawberry with the whipped cream.” When you’re utilizing whipped cream to chop the extreme sweetness of a beverage, you is perhaps in somewhat hassle.
Unfortunately for us, we’ve acquired an entire lot extra hassle earlier than we’re executed.
COURSE #5
It’s sort of weird that we’re 5 programs into the IHOP Wonka menu, and this is the primary chocolate entree. It’s Wonka! Shouldn’t they all be chocolate gadgets?
Anyway, we transfer on to the “Hoverchoc Pancake Tacos.”
3 silver greenback chocolate pancakes folded & full of chocolate chips, creamy cheesecake mousse, contemporary sliced strawberries & a chocolate drizzle. Served with further strawberries on the facet.
This is the official image:
This is my image:
This turned out to be the worst merchandise to this point, and by a reasonably huge margin — which is sort of nuts as a result of, once more, we’re speaking a couple of Wonka menu, and one would suppose the chocolate merchandise could be the centerpiece that holds the entire thing collectively.
Not fairly. Maybe in the event you love chocolate you might get behind this, however it’s so dense and wealthy, after which the center of every “taco” is full of extra of IHOP’s favourite cheesecake mousse, which mainly simply tastes like cream cheese. Who needs chocolate pancakes with cream cheese on high? Not me.
Griffin concurred with my evaluation, and stated that that “the mouthfeel” of this one was notably disagreeable. We speculated that maybe the pancakes used for the tacos are intentionally made thicker and denser than an everyday pancake for causes of structural integrity; the mild and fluffy texture of a normal pancake is sorely lacking right here.
It’s only a huge thick gloppy mush. If given the selection between falling into Wonka’s chocolate river and getting shot like a cannon out of the consumption pipe, or consuming this once more I suppose I’d choose the pipe. This may as nicely be one thing from the Slugworth theme menu.
Come to consider it: In Wonka, the hoverchoc are actually flying candies. They make individuals float into the air after they eat them. No one is floating wherever with hoverchoc pancake tacos of their abdomen. I may get rushed the emergency room within the subsequent hour, however solely by an ambulance.
And we nonetheless have a ridiculous burger with hash browns on high to eat…
COURSE #6
Right about now I actually may use that Wonka T.V. that shrinks something you place in entrance of it. Then I wouldn’t need to eat this monstrous burger.
It is formally known as the “Fantastical Wonka Burger.” And it accommodates…
100% USDA Choice Black Angus beef steakburger with lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles, four-cheese mix, avocado, 2 strips of vacon, fried hash browns, IHOP sauce & a ranch drizzle on a brioche bun.
It is actually a fantastical quantity of stuff on a burger. And here’s what it’s speculated to appear to be.
This is what it really appeared like.
This one is an actual headscratcher. (Or possibly I have eaten an excessive amount of meals and I’m simply itchy? I don’t know.) As a burger it’s okay. I do not know why you’d put avocado on a burger that already has hash browns and cheese and “IHOP sauce” (shudder). You can’t style the avocado in any respect; all it does is make a sandwich that’s already huge extra messy and unwieldy.
More importantly, Griffin and I are sitting right here making an attempt to consider how this has something — something! — to do with Wonka and are arising empty. (It is, at this second, the solely method wherein I really feel empty.) A candy burger is clearly a foul concept, so what else may you do? Stick somewhat flag with a W within the bun? Make the four-cheese mix out of giraffe’s milk? We famous the entire lack of Oompa Loompa illustration on this menu, and thought maybe this was a missed alternative. Maybe somewhat orange burger on a shiny inexperienced bun?
Okay, clearly we’re not of sound thoughts after consuming all of this. Let’s wrap this up.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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