We’re winding right down to the top of the 12 months, and for some folks, which means New Year’s resolutions. For lots of you studying this, it means bookish resolutions: to learn extra, to learn extra diversely, to tackle Book Riot’s 2024 Read Harder problem, and so on. For me personally, I’m going to attempt to give myself permission to DNF extra continuously quite than brute forcing my approach by means of books I’m not having fun with simply to say I did it. (I anticipate to fail this one fairly badly. What can I say? I do know myself.)
But who ought to actually be making New Year’s resolutions? Superheroes. Now, clearly, superheroes spend lots of their time doing all of the virtuous issues we resolve to do each January, like taking dangers and giving again to their communities. But additionally they have lots of unhealthy habits they actually ought to work on, like mendacity to their family members, not practising good self-care, mendacity to their family members, repressing trauma quite than coping with it, and mendacity to their family members.
Superheroes have given me lots of inspiration over time, so within the curiosity of turnabout being truthful play, I’ve advised New Year’s resolutions for a number of the capes and tights set under. Maybe a few of these concepts will encourage you! (But truthfully, I actually hope not.)
Superman: Considering that we’ve lately seen Jon Kent be jealous of the Supertwins, Conner Kent be jealous of Jon, Power Girl be jealous of Supergirl, and Supergirl be jealous of Power Girl, I believe somebody must remind his prolonged household that they’re all liked and valued as people.
Cyclops: Take up bullet journaling. Nope, every part is horrible. Try to beat the homicide rap first, after which perhaps we will take into consideration 2024.
Kamala Khan: Welcome to the mutant group! You ought to study extra about what it means to have the X-gene! No, significantly…you should study this shortly. Things are unhealthy. (See above re: Cyclops.)
The Flash: Maybe, uh…take a break from motion pictures for some time.
Blue Beetle: Continue doing the alternative of the Flash in all issues. Make ten extra motion pictures! You’re unstoppable!
Spider-Man (Miles Morales): MAKE EVEN MORE MOVIES THAN THAT. (But at a manageable tempo that’s moral to ask of your animators. Yes, despite the fact that the final one ended on a cliffhanger. I’ll wait ceaselessly for you, Miles.)
Spider-Gwen: No extra lacking band follow. No, wait, no level making resolutions which can be doomed to fail. Try to make not less than 50% of scheduled band practices in 2024. …Okay, superb, 25%.
Batman: Stop letting the smaller, meaner, purple-er Batman inside your head let you know what to do. (This is why everybody says Batman is a extra relatable hero than Superman. Who hasn’t made this decision earlier than?)
Alfred Pennyworth: Stop enabling your loved ones’s unhealthy selections. Okay, come again to life first, and then cease enabling your loved ones’s unhealthy selections.
Selina Kyle: Okay, the Selina Kyle Center for Criminals Who Can’t Steal Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too was a bust, however that doesn’t imply you’ll be able to’t preserve coaching cat burglars! Mostly as a result of it makes Batman mad, and that’s very humorous. I say preserve the crime boss factor going. Come on, Selina, lean in!
Hulk: Don’t smash.
Jeff the Land Shark: Don’t change a factor; you’re good.
Wonder Woman: I’d by no means encourage anybody to maintain completely trashing the (fictional) US navy and intelligence operatives. At least, not in print.
Spider-Man (Peter Parker): Listen, I know you’re not going to go to remedy, and you know you’re not going to go to remedy, however I’ve to not less than recommend it yearly.
Daredevil: See up there? What I stated to Peter? Quadruple that.
Shazam: Listen extra to speaking tigers, hear much less to speaking gorillas, and pay extra consideration in math class.
Aquaman: Don’t really feel unhealthy in case your film bombs. I imply, perhaps it gained’t! You know what, let’s change this decision to “think positive.” Ahem.
Captain America: Yeah, I do know. 2024 is an election 12 months. I believe you’ll be able to skip the decision this time round; you’ve bought sufficient in your plate.
Punisher: Don’t be ridiculous. The Punisher doesn’t do New Year’s resolutions.
What about you, pricey reader? Are you going to resolve to wield your nice energy with nice accountability? Are you going so as to add extra comics to your TBR? Maybe you’ll simply let a comic book e-book character encourage you to no matter your non-reading decision is, like working a marathon (Flash), taking the LSAT (Daredevil), or profitable a Pulitzer (Lois Lane). (Hey, somebody’s gotta win it! Why not you?)
Whatever your decision, you’ve bought a significantly better probability of sticking to it than like 90% of the heroes up there. You bought this, mates. Happy New Year, and Excelsior!
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