The Worst First Lines in Literature: The Lyttle Lytton Contest

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Gia R. is from Phoenix, Arizona. She graduated with two enterprise levels. While finding out, her brief nonfiction story was revealed in 2018 in Write On, Downtown, an ASU journal. Since then, she taught preschool college students overseas. Now again in AZ, you’ll discover her writing, studying, and adoring digital artwork.

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Dear Reader, doesn’t an incredible opening line get you excited to learn a brand new e book? If you’re trying to discover some nice first traces, you need to learn 22 of the Very Best First Lines of Books. Because…this text isn’t going to present you any of these. If we are able to’t discover an incredible opening line, although, an entertaining different is a foul first line.

The finest worst first traces are so unhealthy that you may’t assist however giggle. You could roll your eyes or gape in disbelief, however both approach, these traces offer you pause. I’m not naming names, however I’m positive some books popped into your head. When it involves awful opening traces, there are the unoriginal ones. There are additionally those that bore nearly all of readers. And then there are the traces about girls, written by males (extra on this later).

I’m not right here to hate on the onerous work of authors. As a reader and author, I respect the hassle and talent it takes to write down books, particularly after studying some beautiful literature. Will we ever have the ability to attain our literary idols? A author can hope! With that mentioned, some opening traces are simply unhealthy, and whereas we are able to attempt to be higher and write effectively, we are able to additionally giggle at ourselves and others as we embark on our writing journeys. In reality, there’s a complete writing contest devoted to this. It’s known as the Lyttle Lytton contest.

What is the Lyttle Lytton contest?

According to the Bulwer Lytton web site, the Lyttle Lytton contest asks for entries of the opening sentences of the worst novel conceivable. And oh, does it get good…or dare I say, unhealthy? Before you ask, these aren’t traces from precise books. That’d be a bit merciless. Participants enter their very own unpublished traces into the competition.

The Lyttle Lytton has been round since 1982 and acquired its title from Edward George Bulwer-Lytton’s 1830 novel titled Paul Clifford. How did his novel begin? Well, it might be worse, however I’ll simply say that it lacks originality.

His novel’s opening line is, “It was a dark and stormy night.”

What’s even funnier is that this overused line wasn’t even first written by Edward George Bulwer-Lytton. Professor Scott Rice, whose seminar paper acquired the ball rolling for this contest, discovered this line was utilized by many authors earlier than Lytton.

While it might need began this contest, this line doesn’t come near among the most ridiculous entries of latest years. People have gotten extra inventive at this recreation of atrocities. Hopefully not too good, however hey, this takes talent, too.

Apparently, a foul line isn’t onerous to search out as a result of this contest will get hundreds of entries every year. The entry winners are separated into a number of classes. There is a grand prize winner and the grand panjandrum’s particular award. The different classes are journey, kids’s and younger grownup literature, crime and detective, darkish and stormy, fantasy and horror, historic fiction, odious outliers, purple prose, romance, science fiction, vile puns, and western. Each of those classes additionally has “dishonorable mentions.” Most of those classes are clearly outlined by their style, however the different classes, like “dark and stormy” and “odious outliers,” are a bit of totally different. For instance, the “dark and stormy” class challenges individuals to start their sentence with the unique unhealthy opening line, “It was a dark and stormy night,” and in some way make it worse from there.

A quick look via the winners and dishonorable mentions in every class can provide you a really feel of the kind of humor and author fake paus current in every style. As you’ll be able to think about, the winners in the romance class are most likely what you’d anticipate. That is, traces you’d discover in unhealthy fan fiction.

Check out one right here:

“It was love at first sight—he was tall and broad-shouldered, with a dimpled smile, twinkling green eyes, and in keeping with his combination of statistically unlikely but deeply alluring features, type AB blood, and that condition where cilantro tastes like soap.”

Ananya Benegal (2023 winner romance class)

Outside of the classes, there may be the grand prize winner. I’m positive you’re questioning what was the latest winner (or loser?) this 12 months. Here is the 2023 Grand Prize Winner of Lyttle Lytton contest:

“She was a beautiful woman; more specifically she was the kind of beautiful woman who had an hourlong skincare routine that made her look either ethereal or like a glazed donut, depending on how attracted to her you were.”

Maya Pasic

The 2023 Grand Panjandrum’s Special Award goes to Daniel Bradford for:

“It was a sunny day in Los Angeles, hot and bright, and I was in my office, playing Mahjong against myself and losing, when she walked in, 120 pounds of dynamite, a blonde with legs that began at her ankles and ended in trouble.”

Daniel Bradford

There had been many traces about girls written by males. Too many to incorporate right here, however as a result of I’m positive you need extra, I’ll listing a couple of of my private favorites.

“She reached a trembling hand toward the huge wrought iron door knocker, her heart pounding in her ample, pink cashmere-covered bosom, like the big bass tom played by that hot drummer down at the new dance club over on 3rd St, a place where, now that she thinks about it, she might just go to instead of knocking on the door of this creepy old house, in the rain, in the dark.”

Cat Frenette (2023 dishonorable point out from Odious Outliers)

“It’s a classic,” she muttered, as she flicked the hair from the previous fur coat bought from eBay for sixty-eight {dollars} plus in a single day transport for the aim of this very second when she caught out her hip, pulled the set off, and shot him in that silly face of his.”

Beth Armogida (2017 dishonorable point out from Crime and Detective)

“He was a stolid man, prone to excessive and extended bursts of emotionlessness; but when Maurice loved, he loved with the passion of a dog itching its face against the grain of a firm pile carpet.”

Stephen Sanford (2014 winner of Purple Prose)

“The air-conditioner hummed like an over-sized bear eating a large salmon he’d fished out of the water and if you’ve never heard an over-sized bear eating a salmon, just imagine an air-conditioner humming and you’ll know.”

Bobby Tessel (2014 dishonorable point out Purple Prose)

“Old man Buckman had been murdering and dismembering teenagers in our town for years, and getting away with it, and it’s important to emphasize this right up front, because young readers like you have painfully short attention spans, and unless a story grabs you right off the bat, you’ll be back on your video games or phones or skateboards in the blink of an eye.”

John Hardi (2019 winner for Children’s Literature)

(As a instructor, actually, that’s truthful.)

“The snow scattered like fair parmesan from God’s own shaker, drifting down lightly to cling to our squirming spaghetti skin beneath robes of tomato puree, making no distinction between the whole wheat and white or tagliatelle and bucatini among us.”

Tzipporah Harker (2019 dishonorable point out Purple Prose)

“God, would you please get your tentacles off of my stomach,” I uttered as Forrest groaned and slithered away from my mattress; I swear, if anybody ever finds out I’m courting an octopus, it will likely be social suicide.”

Riley Kwortnik, (2019 dishonorable point out Romance)

“A lecherous sunrise flaunted itself over a flatulent sea, ripping the obsidian bodice of night asunder with its rapacious fingers of gold, thus exposing her dusky bosom to the dawn’s ogling stare.”

Stu Duval (2021 grand prize winner)

I’ll admit that a few of these traces jogged my memory of books I’ve began and stopped. With that mentioned, I seen a couple of issues in regards to the successful entries. If you’re attempting to write down a foul opening line, go forward and do the next:

Write about girls from the attitude of a person who hasn’t met a lady (or talked to at least one).
Provide numerous descriptions that don’t describe something. Just inform the reader what it’s.
Include a number of adjectives and different phrases that don’t add to the narrative.

I do know there are extra developments to be recognized, however I’ll depart that as much as you. If you need to learn extra, take a look at their web site. You can discover the winner of yearly all the best way again to 1996. It is fascinating to dive into the winners of prior years and see what was notably atrocious from 10+ years in the past.

How can I take part in this contest?

If you need to submit your personal try on the worst opening line, go to their submission web page. You can write as many phrases as you need, however they recommend between 50 and 60 phrases. It might be fairly the problem to create the worst opening sentence with the fewest quantity of phrases!

I’m wanting ahead to studying some hilarious 2024 winners!

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