Quarterback play in 2023 has been a combined bag. So let’s deal with each group’s sign caller to their best Halloween candy.
NFC East
Daniel Jones, New York Giants: Snickers
According to Anna Rahmanan of Time Out New York, Snickers are formally the town’s favourite candy. It’s additionally what the remainder of the NFL did when the Giants gave Jones a four-year, $160M contract.
Sam Howell, Washington Commanders: Nestle Crunch
No rationalization wanted after 41 sacks in eight video games. Hershey’s Krackle will even do.
Jalen Hurts, Philadelphia Eagles: Push Pops
Again, no rationalization wanted, however do attempt to use your fingers.
Dak Prescott, Dallas Cowboys: Any onerous candy
You know, the stuff your grandmother, Jerry Jones or another octogenarian would put out on a weekly foundation.
NFC West
Josh Dobbs, Arizona Cardinals: Nerds
Relax Dobbs, it’s hip to be sq. nowadays. Surely, somebody with a level in aerospace engineering understands. A handful of Smarties will even work.
Brock Purdy, San Francisco 49ers: Starburst
A string of unhealthy losses in opposition to the Cleveland Browns, Minnesota Vikings and Cincinnati Bengals and instantly Purdy isn’t Joe Montana anymore. Could Sam Darnold be Steve Young?
Geno Smith: Gobstoppers
Gobstopper is a made up phrase, Willy Wonka isn’t an actual particular person and there’s no such factor as a Seahawk.
Matthew Stafford, L.A. Rams: Caramelized tofu
It’s L.A.
NFC North
Kirk Cousins, Minnesota Vikings: Licorice
Not (*32*), the onerous stuff. Not solely do Nordic nations like Denmark make among the strongest licorice on the earth, they put it in the whole lot from ice cream to cocktails. You like that?
Justin Fields, Chicago Bears: Buckeyes
If issues don’t work out with the Bears, Fields can all the time go to his alma mater and revel in these scrumptious candies made to resemble the nuts of Ohio’s official state tree.
Jared Goff, Detroit Lions: Bottle Caps
His coach prefers patellas, however these caps must do.
Jordan Love, Green Bay Packers: Jolly Ranchers
When saved correctly, Jolly Ranchers are mentioned to have an indefinite shelf life. The manner Packers quarterbacks trip the pine, Love can recognize a long-lasting deal with.
NFC South
Derek Carr, New Orleans Saints: Just about something
Just ensure it doesn’t have synthetic sweeteners like aspartame or sucralose. The man grew up in Sugar Land, Texas.
Baker Mayfield, Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Skittles
Mayfield used to get up feeling harmful. Skittles are so harmful they had been virtually banned in California.
Desmond Ridder, Atlanta Falcons: 100 Grand Bar
Actually, his base wage is $870,000 this 12 months, however figuring out backup quarterbacks like Tyler Huntley and Case Keenum make greater than twice that quantity, Ridder can’t be ok with his six-figure wage.
Bryce Young, Carolina Panthers: Plain M&M’s
Plain M&M’s are what individuals consider first, however…
AFC South
C.J. Stroud, Houston Texans: Peanut M&M’s
… the peanut selection is extra standard (and far larger).
Gardner Minshew, Indianapolis Colts, Tic Tacs
Technically it’s a breath mint and never a candy, however it’ll do in a pinch.
Trevor Lawrence, Jacksonville Jaguars: Dove Milk Chocolate
DOOOVE Bars.
Will Levis, Tennessee Titans: No candy
He deserves a deal with after 4 landing passes in his first begin, however he’ll simply dip it in mayonnaise.
AFC North
Joe Burrow, Cincinnati Bengals: Payday
Five years, $275M, $219M assured. Well accomplished, Joe.
Lamar Jackson, Baltimore Ravens: Butterfinger
He’s onerous to put a finger on, however he already has eight fumbles this 12 months.
Kenny Pickett, Pittsburgh Steelers: Kit Kat Duos
Pickett’s second half quarterback score this 12 months is 30 factors larger than the primary half. That deserves some darkish chocolate with a second layer of mint or strawberry.
Deshaun Watson, Cleveland Browns: Godiva Chocolates
Overpriced, overrated and never all the time accessible.
AFC East
Josh Allen, Buffalo Bills: Trail Mix
With a league-leading 2,165 yards passing and 5 dashing touchdowns, Allen provides Buffalo followers just a little little bit of the whole lot.
Mac Jones, New England Patriots: Take 5
At least that’s what head coach Bill Belichick retains telling him.
Aaron Rodgers, New York Jets: Twix
Although each halves are an identical, Twix constructed a complete advert marketing campaign round whether or not “Right Twix” is best than “Left Twix.” Rodgers likes an excellent debate. He ought to see what Pat McAfee thinks.
Tua Tagovailoa, Miami Dolphins: Whatchamacallit
Do you assume Tagovailoa ever will get uninterested in spelling his identify for individuals?
AFC West
Jimmy Garoppolo, Las Vegas Raiders: Necco Wafers
How can one thing so fairly style so unhealthy?
Justin Herbert, L.A. Chargers: Walnuts
They’re not essentially the most thrilling Halloween deal with, however Glamour journal says nuts and seeds are nice for your hair.
Patrick Mahomes, Kansas City Chiefs: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Chocolate and peanut butter could be the best mixture ever. If not, it may very well be Mahomes and head coach Andy Reid.
Russell Wilson, Denver Broncos: Candy Corn
Almost pure sugar, they’re simply an excessive amount of.
Discussion about this post